Hi, my name is Shawna and I suffer from ADD, it is a writer and entrepreneurs enemy. I have so much inside yet, I have to work really hard at organizing it all so that you aren't left scratching your head wondering what the hell I am trying to say. It is not so bad for me in conversation because I easily open my throat chakra and let it flow. When I am home trying to stay on task or do what I need to do , it can get ugly. Oh look! A new notification that leads to an hour of mindless Facebook , oh I got a text that led to a call and look there that is shiny and pretty... What the hell was I doing?? Yeah you get my drift lol.
Today I listened to hours of amazing ladies sharing their knowledge in the Virtual Psychic Summit ( you should check it out on Facebook! It just calling in for a week and hearing many presenters share their vast knowledge and it is FREE) The message I heard the most today was that we all have a purpose, as I was listening to a ladies story ( I don't know her at all) tears start streaming, I close my eyes and I hear my angels, source energy start to talk. Telling me see there, no matter what your ego says you have a purpose, it is unique and you survived this long to go out and shine. The tears came harder. Thank you angels, thank you god and goddess I so needed that.
This led me to share a little bit of my story in hopes you can relate, so you too can realize you have a purpose and so I can help you find out what it is.
From birth it felt my life was set up to be doomed, at least if we go by statistics. Born to a young mother, dad ran off , living in the projects, my single mom working her ass off and doing her best. My mom gets married when I am young, I am led to believe this is my father, he is controlling, loud, angry , an alcoholic, I am living in fear most days. I was never hurt physically by my dad but the fear of the unknown was enough for me. I was very quiet and shy ( yes even though I am a Leo) . The abuse started for me around age 4 and I will not go into detail since I have never spoken to my family about any of this. It occurred at different times by different males through out my life.
By the age of 12 I had been sneaking alcohol, was promiscuous, by 14 I was sexually active by my own choice, attempting to get love and attention I so needed from my parents etc .. I was depressed, started smoking pot, using LSD, and attempted suicide. I was diagnosed as severely depressed and put on medication that I didn't want to take. The next few years were full of drugs, alcohol, parties, my father was an alcoholic, my mother working her butt off, going to school , a job etc and not much time allowed for me. There were many times I came close to harm , driving all over the country, being in the wrong place at the wrong time. At 16 I was hit by a car walking across a busy road in a busy city . I should have died. I flew 6 feet in the air, I busted out the windshield with my head, I remember looking down as I was falling back to earth thinking " this is the end" . Instead those wonderful adrenaline guys kicked in, I was in shock, I jumped up there was a huge crowd, I started to grab my belongings scattered on the ground, I looked at my friend and said " I want to go home now" . I then collapsed to the ground trying not to pass out, screaming in pain . The pain in my back was the worst ever, my legs were numb, I was scared. The ambulance came, rushed me to the ER. If you have never been rushed half out of it on a stretcher through the ER , it is pretty damn scary.
Pain meds kicked in and I don't remember much, they had to cut my clothes off because of the bleeding, after many test and waking up. I was alive, even better I only had many cuts and scrapes, a broken tail bone, whip lash, nerve damage and compressed disk in my back. I was going to be okay.
There are many other scenarios in my life I could take you to, the ones that stand out the most are being at an apartment in downtown Louisville at the age of 16 and it was a party drug house. There were two guys who didn't look familiar, or like they really fit in, I got a bad vibe , after busying what I needed and hanging out for a few my friend and I left. Right after leaving those two guys held everyone there at gun point, shooting a couple people, and robbing everyone.
Another time some local people might recall a hotel bust in Clarksville back in 1999. There were a ton of my friends living in this hotel , ages 14 to 30 . Every drug you could imagine was there. I went in with my boyfriend at the time, got what we needed then left, upon leaving, I see all these cop cars and DEA cars rushing to the hotel. Everyone there was in jail and facing huge charges, I made it out by minuets.
Another time myself and a boyfriend had pounds of pot that was brought from Mexico in the back of my car, we are to meet at a hotel . We pull up and there are cop cars EVERYWHERE, we just happened to pick the hotel where the police convention was going on at that very moment. Seriously!!! We proceeded and somehow did not end up in jail.
I can go onto tell about getting pregnant and becoming a teen mom, being in a very abusive and controlling marriage at a young age, joining a crazy cult. Then of course the pain of divorce, your children gone half the time, and rebuilding your life.
At some point I started to heal, the more I was healing, learning, growing and transforming the more my heart was on fire to guide others into the same healing etc I had found. Yet, I had this mentality that once I gained ground and started seeing huge transformation in my life that I had reached somewhere. Then when life happened, remarriage, becoming a step parent, juggling so many things, the stress of life, trying to be perfect caught up to me. I assumed this was just how my life would forever be, unable to see that yes, there will always be a struggle, something to help transform me , to cause me to dig deeper inside. So I gave up. I said forget my dreams and passions I will just survive.
This was not enough, I tried to run away, I tried to numb my pain. Then it was like I woke up. I let the false teachings go, I let the Jesus god go, I let so much go and I started to embrace a whole new life. Would you know it my passion came back. I again had to jump back on the healing wagon, and realize something that was so hard for me. It is ok to be a broken vessel and still pour water into the thirsty. I can be me, I can live my messy life, yet I know now what I have learned, all my crazy experiences are for a purpose, they are to help guide those that are in similar situations to safety, to beauty, to their dreams.
If we were perfect we would have nothing to offer anyone. So many are still stuck thinking only when they are perfect, with a perfect life, they can then give, live, love, share. It is so not that way. My gifts have come through my struggle, they were given so in my imperfect state I can still give.
What about you? What is your story? Did you let your mistakes hold you back from thinking you have a great purpose to serve on this earth? Do you think that because you are human you have nothing to offer the world?? I will challenge you to dig deep, find what your heart loves, if it has come through a struggle more than likely it is a clue to your purpose. You are perfect in your imperfections because really no one judge the right or worng since it doesn't exist. Just be you, let your light shine even if you feel you are in the dark. Know that even if it isn't clear yet you have so much to give and share with this world.
If you are feeling stuck and down know this, you have everything in you to create the life ou want. No one is holding you back but you. Jesus the man did not want to be god, he didn't want to be the one people boo hooed to when life got tough, he showed them the truth that he had god in him and we have the exact same thing !! We are gods, we are co creators of our story. It will be messy, but don't let dim your shine!
Keep shining, keep giving, keep loving. You are amazing just as you are, and you have so much to give the world, what are you waiting for??
So much love, light, and blessings to you all!
Shawna Marrie
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