Spirituality

Yeah so the title sounds like a million articles, videos, 101 courses I have read and watched over the past year. I get it , sometimes it can seem mundane. Yet, for myself. this has been life changing. I became very religious and I hated it, I was living in fear and surrounded by people that only could look outward. They had no clue how to look inside, if you would ask " how then is the kingdom of god within" or ask anything for that matter, you were deemed rebellious and shunned. It can be hard to look inside. It can be hard finding out god is right inside of you , he the great spirit that is in the stars. the waves of the ocean, each human , each animal. We so bad want to look outward for answers, to look outward when everything falls apart. To think love, hate, good, bad come from some guy in the clouds.

The biggest part of spirituality for myself, is it causes me to look deep inside. To see how I am creating my reality, how my wounds and pain effect my reality, look at all the mirrors of people in my reality and see what they say about me. See it all points back to me. I can no longer blame anyone or anything, I can no longer look outside of me for validation, happiness, peace. At first when I decided to leave this very religious , controlling, abusive church I wanted to be DONE with god, jesus, the bible, you name it! I was so frustrated because in praying to be led to the truth I had been led to things that were so opposite of Christianity and it even made me question the authenticity of the bible, jesus etc. So I decided to just wash my hands of it all. I did however know that I could not be atheist since I clearly believed something outside of us, something bigger and greater did create us and put that spark of life in all things.

As a child as far back as I can remember I was obsessed with the spirit world, I remember vivd and scary at times encounters. By the age of 8 I was having séances with all the neighborhood kids, I wanted to be a ghost hunter so bad. I also checked out books of spells at the library and was trying to cast spells lol. So after leaving the church and struggling with my beliefs in god etc, I turned to WIcca and witchcraft... please before you show up at my door with pitchforks ready to burn me , just know that no it is not evil or bad. It is about using the forces of nature, natural herbs, and setting intentions that Christians do when they pray ( same type of thing) and no there is no devil in witchcraft lol. This was a good place to start but getting over the fear and trauma that god now hates you and you are going to hell isn't easy. So, as always I dove into books and study. I learned about the Law of Attraction, I have met some amazing people and mentors, I have found some amazing authors , bloggers, vloggers etc.

I now have my beliefs and yes they are ever evolving. I found those "gifts " I had back in the  Christian world, yep they are still there and yep they can still be used for the good of others. When I was in this Christian circle, I wanted so bad to love and help others heal , to share my love, my experiences, and knowledge to reach out to other hurting people. I was not allowed to. I tried to have women's bible studies but was condemned  since I wasn't teaching the doctrine of the church. I was so upset because I felt my deepest desires would never happen. I am so glad I did not give up! Now I know that I am an empath, intuitive, clairsentient, healer. I found out my deep desire that started at the age of 9 to be an archeologist was due to the fact in more than one past life I was a healer. In ancient Egypt and as a native American to name a couple. So I have the overwhelming desire to help others heal.

Even in my birth chart over and over it talks about I am to be a healer and chiron is the wounded healer and it's effect on my life etc. Once I found it, once others validated it, something happened though. I was scared. I started looking to tools to do the "magic" tarot, oracle, etc  because it was so hard to believe that yes this is me and it is coming out. Such a fear of failure. Like my mentor tells me , you can't live in fear and love at the same time. So here I am , on the verge of my dreams. I will now ask you , what are you holding back? What are those deep desires you are afraid to let out? Those dreams you push away and make excuses why you don't do them? That is your heart, your calling, your passion, follow it! Yes it can be scary and no I don't know your life so maybe you can't just jump all in, you can however start small and let that grow.

See when I realized life isn't just to live, work, accumulate, then die, I was forever changed. We were sent here to experience, to love, to have abundance, to bring our passion, talent, and gifts to others. The illusion of living to earn money then dying is a sad one indeed. Here is  some wisdom that was given to me that helps me each day. " whatever I ask , I will receive" .. plain Law of Attraction at work, so be clear and careful what you are asking for even inside. " I am divinely guided, so I am provided for and protected". When you step out of the way , when you lay aside all doctrine and religion, and you realize that the universe, source energy, god, holy spirit, are all for you , that they are on your side, that they want great for you and you yourself are a co- creator in our life oh my it is a huge awakening! Trust, let go, start creating the reality you want , not the one forced on you or one you hate. Later I will get into my ideas about jesus, god, angels, universe whatever you want to call it lol. For now , just like I had to let the 9 year old archeologist out of me, so she can dig deep and finding truth, she can heal and give that to others, let whoever out of you that is banging on your hearts door.