Getting Real

I had intended to write about another amazing thing that is happening in my life, I wanted to share how finally letting go of my past shit, the stuff I have been carting around for so long ( thinking I am stuck with a certain job, thinking I deserve only what I have been given and so on) when I stopped.. I mean really stopped.. When  I started to tell myself I am more than that, I am worth more than that etc guess what?? All those closed doors are opening in all areas of my life. I thought I could bang on these doors and I could just carry all my old baggage with me into a new phase of my life, UMMMM NO.. It doesn't work like that at all. It has to go.. All of it, the memories, the thoughts, the pictures, the shirts etc! Get it out and allow the new things to come in.. It really does work ..

Then I got pissed today .. I am pissed that anyone would assume that me, myself , and I have made choices out of neediness or fear.. see before some ever thought about stepping out of their comfort boxes I had been there , done that , and got a shirt. I know what being alone is like, I know what being a single parent is like ( oh and it isn't pawning my kids off to the other parent so I can go be a single girl and "find myself").. I made choices that I knew deep down were right for ME.

Some are scratching your heads .. After leaving this crazy abusive church I was pushed to the forefront because I wasn't scared to speak my mind and fight . You might think that is fine and dandy but it isn't. I have backed away and I keep seeing random people in the forefront now trying to lead some revolution from behind the scenes..

I am sick of seeing swords put in the hands of hurting and wounded and they are expected to fight?? I am sick of seeing hurting people that still carry all their shit right out in the open ( they think this is being "real" ) trying to keep poking the dragon... STOP IT.
You are doing nothing and you are getting nowhere!

I moved back out of the forefront because I realized that I needed to heal, I needed to find my truth. I need to help these other wounded and hurting people to even begin to stand stong .. If you are out there all wounded and hurting, still living out of those hurts and wounds you are a dog chasing your tail. Once you find healing and your truth then you can assist those around you , then you can be on the same page to fight together for something. All of the peaceful leaders of the past they didn't go around angry being sarcastic just trying to stir up immature strife to get attention.. They had their own amazing experiences that they could then go out and share with others. They were all about helping and guiding others into peace, love, enlightment.

Some are so obvious in their self pity, their wounds, their anger going around randomly causing riffs and thinking they have really done something, no friend all you are doing is creating chaos, confusion, and strife. Stop! Get healed , find your truth, something real you can share with others.. give them something to hope in, show them change! Then together as one change can come.

As for those still so concerned for me, I might not be in the forefront and you can claim I backed down, that I don't care, or that my husband is controlling me (LOL) but I got back to go inside myself. To dig hard and find my truth and now I follow my passion and I help others to heal and to find their truth so they can stand strong in the face of any opposition.

IT STARTS IN YOU , and if you aren't being the change, the light, the higher self etc everyone can see your bullshit. This doesn't mean we are perfect, or we should not be real .. We are very real and messed up, but we when we are digging, searching, giving.. it shows.