The transformation of me.

Have you ever had something inside just bursting? Yet it is all jumbled up and you have to find the words to form a sentence so you can attempt to get a point across?? That has been me all day long. I have this in me and I keep thinking about it, however I have to get it out , in a way that doesn't make me sound like Jack Kerouac on a binge.

Back in 2014 I decided to find out why I claimed to be a Christian, what did that mean? I didn't know squat about the history, only what the Bible had taught , sadly the Bible somehow replaced most of real history through the western world. I was in awe. I knew I was getting closer and closer to my truth and  it was like an addiction. I dreamed to be an archeologist but it makes sense now, I LOVE digging deep and finding hidden truth. In all things! People, stories, history, religion, I take nothing for face value and it is usually my intuition guiding me as I get in the zone and I am digging away. This brings such joy and excitement.

After my studies I was scared. I now had a totally new way of looking at Christianity than before, I wanted to explode , I wanted to scream it out to every Christian I knew, but I didn't.. I was scared. Too scared of being judged, kicked out of the church, shunned by my peers. I did continue to study but each time I entered the church doors I could hardly stomach being there. As fate would have it the crazy church split. Cases of child abuse, molestation, abuse etc from way back until present came out, the fact that this church leader has taught occult/mystical knowledge yet in a sick way puts a Jesus spin on it so you are pulled in by the "mystery" that your common Christian just doesn't know, yet you are still so controlled by the Christian law. It is crazy. This gave me an easy way out, I was also finally able to speak up about the abuse I endured. I still knew there was so much more I needed to learn, I was still hiding behind Jesus.

If you watch the show Vikings ( one of the few shows I watch and love) , you will see where I was . I was the Christian monk, that finds so many tangible, beautiful gods that I love  yet I am torn. In all reality it is just fear that is grasping me. I see it in so many , you try to break away, then you run right back and are all wwjd running to the cross, getting washed in the blood ( and they claim I am weird lol). I see that fear in you. Some applaud you and I am sure most of the motive is to make others think you are still holding fast to the faith , because it is too real and scary to loose friends, fans, oh wow they might reject me.. LOL.. I have lost friends, family, my facebook friends was cut in half, I have been called a devil worshipper, told I am going to hell, I have heard it all! I cut my losses. I didn't conform or run back to church or the church gang just bc life felt lonely or I need to be needed.. See I care about others feelings so I make careful choices, yet I am very independent and I really don't have the need as some to be wanted, surrounded by others, I actually like my alone time lol . Let me say this loud and clear you can't carry the old shit if you want something new. You can't transform while holding tight onto the old story. Let the fear go. Stop being scared to live, to make mistakes, to be your raw wild self. Stop thinking that you need a savior! Be your own savior! This mentality that you can go and be irresponsible and just run to Jesus to make it all better is just sick. Own your shit! Make your life better! Stop with the poor me and the same old song and dance that you have no control of your life and you will just "pray and give it to god".

That was a rant, it means nothing, just my feelings and opinions. I will be happy to share why at this point in my life I can proudly say I am not a Christian, I have no fear about it, I am very happy with this choice. The only thing I am still trying to figure out on my own is where does Jesus fit into the mix?? Did he even walk the earth? Was he just totally made up as the Roman god to control and gain fortune? Was he here? Was he raised in a time where the other religions prominent in his time taught to him? Was he an Essene? They are the ancient group that wrote the dead sea scrolls, they believed in so many things we would call "new age" today. They were powerful healers, teachers, they were able to create and manifest great things as well as great inventions. They also protected and passed down the ancient knowledge from the start of the human race. Jesus fits that perfectly. Was he just a man that reached god consciousness , trying to convince others that they had god in them and could get there as well? There is great debate on both sides. I know one thing for sure in my studies I have found if Jesus walked this earth he was nothing more than you and I , we all have god in us, we are all god and from source energy. Did he get swept up in a messy political war of his time? I am going to give the info that has helped me come to some pretty big conclusions.

This is a list of ancient gods way before Jesus was around, oddly enough Jesus sounds like a compilation of them all, so this helps my thinking that the Romans created this Jesus or they made the man Jesus who was killed for political reasons, who was trying to peacefully teach what he had learned , they used this man as an opportunity to create a god.

Egyptian god Horus 1280 BC
Date of birth is December 25
born to a virgin ( his father was killed and resurrected , they had not consummated their marriage yet so they did after he came in spirit form, this is a young girl being impregnated by a spirit ( the holy spirit) ).
tempted in the desert
baptized in a river
walked on water
raised a man named Asar from the dead ( Asar translates to Lazarus)
he had 12 disciples
he was crucified and rose again

Krishna
called the son of god
called a savior and that he saved men from their sins
his earthly step father was a carpenter
when he was born wise men and shepherds followed a star to him
he was without sin
he performed miracles
he was called human and divine , part man and part god
he raised the dead
he openly forgave his enemies
he had a last supper before death
he went to hell then ascended to heaven and it was witnessed by men

Mithra
Date of birth December 25
died for sins so sinners could have everlasting life
born of a virgin
born in a manger with many shepherds at birth
he was called the light of the world
had a last supper
had disciples
worshippers celebrated a special meal symbolizing eating his flesh and drinking his blood
halo is depicted around him
he performed water miracles
his followers branded themselves with a cross, this was his symbol

Odin
father/god
sacrificed on a "world tree" then pierced in side by spear
his son balder was also pierced with spear
son dies and is suppose to be reborn/resurrected representing the second coming of Jesus
son is called the light

   Bear with me please, not trying to get boring or all school book on you lol. I just want to give those that call themselves Christian yet have no clue about real history, or how their religion really came to be other than the bible a chance to gain some knowledge, as well as those that might to walk away from Christianity but are too scared because they don't have enough historical facts to show them it is okay. The next guy is very important and he is the closest one that is like Jesus.

Ptolemaic Dynasty --- Soter ( that name translated means savior) 

Soter
This guy was the first European Pharaoh, he came by force led by Alexander the great and took the position of Pharaoh in Egypt. He demanded that he gain god stature like all previous natural born Egyptian Pharaohs were. The priest refused. They were damned to let this European guy who came in by force be called a god. That did not go over very well and so he decided to go on killing sprees of Egyptians. He also gave himself an Egyptian name , Meryamun Setepenre this means god chosen of Ra . Finally the priest at Memphis gave in so they would nor other innocent people would not be killed. This man was called a savior by his followers and he was called the Christ. His followers were called Christians. There is a statue of him in London and he looks just like the pictures of Jesus we see. It seems clear that Constantine used this European Pharaoh to help create the god Jesus. They then would force this new god on the Africans , start wiping out all ancient text and knowledge they had, and it also went on into slavery, they were still forced to worship this god Jesus in the western world.

325 AD The Council of Nicaea
At this council they had to settle many disputes. One was is Jesus god or is he just an ordinary human like everyone else. Also decided would be the books that were placed in the Bible and the dated of holidays such as Christmas and Easter. I find it rather humorous that Constantine being a pagan who converted to Christianity still used pagan holidays and just attempted to make them about the new god Jesus. They voted, yes seriously a bunch of men voted , and it was a very close vote , that Jesus from that day forward would be considered a god. See there are recent discoveries of the oldest Bible found in Palestine and it claims that Jesus was just an ordinary human like us all, not a god. Yet, a few votes made him a god at that point. There were many ancient text brought forth at this time to be examined and the books of the bible were chosen. many like the dead sea scrolls, the book of Thomas, the book of Enoch were left out. Why?? During a period of time when everyone was writing , especially writing religious text on their own personal belief, some guys randomly picked the books you and I at one point literally lived my every waking moment by. gggrrrr... It is also mind blowing that this pagan ruler seemed to use so many ancient gods to weave together this story of the Jesus god.

I hope this has been informative for you and that you learned something new. Please don't just believe something because someone tells you it is the truth, please don't follow one book like your life depends on it , when other humans created it . If you can now maybe see that the Jesus God the Romans created became the Catholic god, they then went on Crusades in order to burn and destroy all and any ancient knowledge, spiritual knowledge, anything that told the truth of our origins, the power we all have etc. WHY? What were they so afraid of us knowing? You better believe after being in the place where civilization started these Romans learned a thing or two. They now created a plan where their new Jesus god would help them be filthy rich, control people through fear, start wars, political uprising where they would have the power. It still continues today. SO many are still bound by fear to the Jesus god they know nothing much about except what they were told. Stop living in fear! Step out and give living a chance!

Well it is late and I am tired, plus I feel like I just typed a damn novel lol.

So much love, light, and blessings to you all!

Shawna Marrie