Yeah so that fucking phrase again huh?? I swear I have always cringed when I heard someone say this, or I even read it. So many times in my adult life when I was losing my shit, or you know you just prayed your guts out to the floor just hoping your words and snot mean something , and you are met with the most sincere idiot saying " oh sweetie it's okay just let go and let god". Really? Really??? Do you happen to have the damn manual on this? Where the hell is the pastor because they must know how to do this right?? yeah , no Houston really fucking wrong.
It would get so bad I would literally try to envision myself letting go of something in my mind just to try and conjure up any feeling in me that felt the slightest bit like I was letting go of something.. Nothing.. actually looking back it just made me grip tighter.
I am saying all this because yesterday once again I was met with those words, " Shawna honey boo boo you have to let go, let Goddess ( that sounds so much better huh) and trust". Yes it was from the sweetest, kindest , most amazing lady and mentor I have ever had, so instead of getting mad, I listened , then I got real and said I don't fucking know how.
It is crazy how we really don't notice ourselves changing, we don't see how we slide into conforming into some way of life even if we swore we would never get there. We don't notice how we grip onto things in a sad way to attempt some sort of control. We don't see how we have lost our shine, our zest for life, that we are angry, hurting, resentful. When it is our time we will see , it won't be a pretty package sitting so we can take our time and open it and feel the love. It will be ugly and dramatic and oh will you fight it.
She kindly and with so much love held the mirror to my face and made it clear nothing outside of me is broken , my lens is broken. All the shit I complain about in others, feeling my life is wasting away whatever it is that it is all in me! I am picking at them because of whats in me, I am feeling restricted because I have been hiding in fear. I have let others control, I try to control oh and I run and hide , I dim my shine, the light in me. I see it all , I hear this, I see it clear ... My next words are how the fuck do I just let go? How do I trust? I always have to try and figure it all out.
After swearing to never say the words TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT again , the wisdom hit me hard. Just fucking do it, you won't until you are really ready but that is all there is to it. If the Goddess keeps me walking down the street without flying off into space, if she keeps everything breathing as if on queue, if she keeps water flowing all this earth, if she keeps giving, loving, providing even though we harm her, we bomb her, we kill each other, we take her for granted... Why the hell can I not just let go and be Shawna so Goddess can keep being who she is, doing what she has always done?
So here goes nothing. I am letting go , I have no clue what that looks like , I didn't get the damn manual . I did however get it and I see clearly what has been slowly poisoning me on the inside. I can't control anything, I do not need anyone to control me, everything in my life is what I asked for and it is fucking great, if not I will change it. I am a goddess, I have a voice and I refuse to hide away anymore. I am taking my eyes off the inside little world of Shawna and onto the great big wonderful around me. The new motto is I am guided, provided for and protected, I will receive anything I request, .... I am letting go ..
I hope you can relate, if not just wait it will come >)
Remember the planets are in a small parade so they are very tuned into your thoughts right now, so from now on until February 20th be mindful to only focus on the positive you want to manifest!!
So much love,light, and blessings to you!
If anyone would like a tarot/oracle reading, energy healing, or intuitive session please Email me! Sweetshawna25@gmail,com
Stay warm and stay rad!
Shawna Marrie Middleton
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