Guilt. We have all experienced it some point in life, hell some of us live with this each day and may not remember a time it wasn't lurking waiting to dog it's ugly claws in. I can say I have lived with guilt and shame for a long long time. My husband and I both experienced some pretty awful things as children, it is crazy how you may not even realize at that moment, as an innocent child , to cope with something traumatic you have to do something, since children are narcissistic in nature due to everything revolving around them, they will blame themselves internally to make sense of things. Now, you might grow up and think oh I never think about any of those situations that caused guilt/shame so therefore it doesn't effect me, yet, in all areas it has REALLY effected you.
Before I get into where in our society we have created this guilt /shame syndrome to be even worse, I want to say this is a huge reason the false Christian doctrine is so at fault . It has helped shaped our more recent western civilization , when the explorers stumbled upon this land, they brought with it a very twisted , violent, controlling religion with them. They brought not anything to do with the real Jesus , the man who walked this earth as a human trying to get others to see that too as humans can attain the very same things as him. We are all god in our own right. All of the sudden this religion forced upon the natives was full of the idea that humans were born bad and needed to be saved , it list all kinds of sins that humans should not do, oh and of course rules / regulations to live by. I am not talking about basic morals, even the ancient people knew that with knowledge and power, you have to have morals or there will be chaos.
So this religion has helped to shape the way most of us have grown up. The idea that there is something wrong with you ( now let me say that this is a human condition we gain after being socialized into a family, BUT if you add a religion like Christianity on top of this it is a disaster!!). We are raised in families, go to churches, schools, that all teach us we need to understand there is something wrong with us, we start to find flaws in ourselves and others as well. We sadly learn that we must be good so we can be loved, and the only way to be good is through punishment. We have a messed up punishment and reward system, that again you find stems from the Christian belief. If you confess how bad you are just because you were born, then you will be saved. You are punished for what someone else labels bad and then rewarded for what they claim is good.
This whole system is to make sure the individual will no longer need constant external punishment, because it all becomes inward. Take a child who is innocent and does something that his parents claim is bad, they punish and it feels like love is withdrawn. When he does good he is rewarded and they really love him. So now each time that child messes up, does something others label as wrong or bad he will tell himself he is bad, and unworthy of love, and needs to be punished. He will then punish himself internally. This happens all the time in religion but I have witnessed and experienced it in Christianity. So many go around self sabotaging, hating, and just awful towards themselves , all because they think this is god views them, so they view themselves that way, oh and then it spreads out like a disease , they start to spew it onto others. This mentality of I deserve what happens to me plays a huge role as well. Thinking oh well I am so bad, I only deserve bad, then you attract bad and claim this is somehow gods will.
You start to tell yourself you don't deserve to be happy, you don't deserve love or anything good. Guilt is a form of self punishment and self abuse!! The emotion of guilt was created in all humans to let us know hey , I did something I do not want to repeat, it didn't align with my higher self , now I know through guilt that it's not something I enjoy or want to do again. What happens next is anger and regret keep you inside this prison of guilt. Guilt in itself serves no other purpose except what I listed above, it now turns into blame, self punishment, and self abuse.
I see so many people who once they get away from controlling situations, abuse, and even religions that have taught them this unhealthy way of punishment/reward, self hate, guilt, shame, they get a taste of freedom, yet the guilt of just living is too much. They can't handle it. They have been so conditioned their whole life about what is right and wrong, what you love about others and what you judge /hate , they can't do it. They run right back to the old ways, they are right back confessing to Jesus what an awful person they are etc. Really they are still hating themselves. No one is to judge what is right or wrong, we ourselves should not be judging like we do. We are to love and learn, be free, just be aware and mindful. The guilt ridden self hating mind can't do this. It will pick itself apart , then when they have cut themselves so much and can't handle the pain, they then go out and start judging/stabbing others. It is a sick, painful way to live. We can be free of the guilt placed on us by others, by situations, and ourselves.
The first step is realize what guilt is , what it does, and how it isn't serving you. Decide you are ready and willing to let go of guilt. Replace your belief that you deserve punishment ( hell , pain etc) no love, no happiness with the belief that you DO deserve happiness, love, etc. Only take responsibility for your part, you do not have to take on the guilt of something someone else did. You have to stop looking at the past and trying to change it in your mind. We can't change it and to keep going back and thinking of what we could have done different does no good in reality. Apologize to anyone you hurt in the past that you still feel guilt over. Even forgive yourself . Make a plan of how you will behave in the future, don't just hear things and let it go, really put to practice new ways of thinking and being.
Discover all assumptions and judgments your making in situations that cause you to feel guit. Remember guilt is the opposite of self love, so if you really want to start cutting down guilt at the roots you have to start self love! Listen to affirmation, or write your own, it is time to flip the script and it starts with love! Remember this as will guilt eating away at your life will continue to attract situations into your life that create more guilt!!!! Ever wonder why it gets out of control ? Why after that thing you did that you or someone labeled as bad all of the sudden you keep doing it, or other bad things?? ding ding ding!!!
It makes me sad to see so many run and hide after feeling exposed. They are breaking away trying to find freedom, they are living just experiencing life, but, those old lies that they were told start playing of how wrong they are, how bad they are, the guilt hits and self hate is out of control , so they run back to the only place they know, because yeah asking for forgivness to my make believe god will make me a good person now. If only they can see they are just continuing the cycle. It is ok. Go and live, make mistakes, make your own choices, stop hurting yourself and others. When you hate yourself you push everyone away. When you are judging you then you start to do it to everyone around you.
No matter if the guilt/shame is from something that happened to you, or if it is just a lifetime of being told how bad you are, how much you need to be saved, and ask to be forgiven.. You can change this. Please love you, know you deserve the best and that you are not a bad person for being you.
So much love , light, and blessings to you all!!
Shawna Marrie
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