I have taken about a 10 day hide a way, sometimes deep change is needed and to face the demons inside is not easy. So yesterday I felt so much better and thought okay it is time to get with it again. Stop letting each day go by keeping all your ideas, dreams, creativity inside. Today I was driving home from my daily dropping kids off at school, I was talking out loud to my angels, the god and goddess .. I couldn't shake this irritation, this nagging sadness. I asked to see, please let me see.
By the time I got in the door , I went to my altar , I was still speaking, I pulled cards that showed some guidance, instead of gratitude I still have this lingering feeling of discontent. This has happened to me two other times in my life and when it does it totally changes me ( for the good) . All of the sudden these memories start flashing through my mind, someone is speaking to me , showing me so much all at once, the tears start to flow. It is this huge overwhelming feeling of gratitude and feeling sorry for my actions. I was again shown me. I was able to see again how I allowed myself to bring my life to where it ended up. What does this do? It allows you to realize that you do create your reality. It lets me see where my hate, pride, control effected others and that in turn effected my life in a negative way.
This lightbulb goes off, the clouds clear away, and I am overflowing with gratitude, gratitude that I can see, that I now have the tools to change and not keep creating the painful things I claim to despise. No more putting up a fake wall and then behind the scene hating myself and everything. It causes you to be as real and human as you can be. Some would never admit this, yet I know how amazing it is to catch a glimpse of yourself and know that you are the cause for your own demise. It is so damn easy to point outward, to blame outside of you and look outside of you for the remedy.
That will not get you anywhere. Spiritual bypassing won't do either. Just by diving into a religion ( you can do it in any religion) will not change you or heal you. The problem is people do not want go deep inside, they would rather bypass the hard work and just throw out some bible verses or some cliché saying. They would rather live blind, still have the same demons seething right under the surface but use positive thinking, jesus, yoga or whatever to cover them
up and keep going. Oh friend they will not go away just because you can say positive affirmations, or recite bible verses.
This is why when I get to this place I can either sit in self pity or I can be so grateful for this opportunity to change and grow. The thing I am most grateful is knowing I could have made some really awful choices while my ego was raging , I almost threw away the most important things in my life because I thought they were not worthy of me anymore, how sick is that ?? If I would have given up and ran away , I would not be experiencing the amazing life I have now, it has turned out to be the best thing in my life and brings me the most joy, yet I was so wrapped up in myself , my ego, and trying to grasp for happiness outside of myself I almost threw it away.
So today I just have to say let the light shine inward. Whatever demons come up, don't deny them, don't run in fear, accept them and just be willing to change. Then have gratitude you were able to see. We are all spirits in these bodies , sadly we all have pain bodies full of shit , yet they are here to help us on this journey so don't ignore them. Allow them to guide you and to help you grow. The thing about me that so many hate is I am an open book, I don't hide my demons, and when I see the shit in me I love when it comes to the light, I love calling it out and saying adios. I have known for years the deep transformation that follows. I did have to realize though that you don't reach a goal in this matter while in this body lol. I thought the first time was it, I felt on top of the world. I stopped, I stopped being grateful, I started to again expect others to be and do something great for me, when they failed I went down hard. So, I will always remember this day just like the other two I was able to experience.
Whatever you are feeling today just ask to see what is really lying under it? Emotions are there to guide us, they are like our built in alarm system to say " hey something is a miss in you and you really need to check it out", yet we usually just look at the emotion most present and go with that. If you are sad, you just focus on that surface alarm. The sadness is there to show you something inside, something deeper that needs your attention. It could be a thought you had, an action you did that was out of alignment.. Just don't keep ignoring it.
Well friends , I am off for whatever adventure lies ahead on this day, have a great day!
Love, light, and blessings to you.
Shawna Marrie
No comments:
Post a Comment