Life

It has been a pretty long time since I have wrote anything. Life is this beautiful, emotional rollercoaster that stops for no one. All I can think to say is, after a long hard look at life , no one can save you, no one has a magical solution to your problems. No one except you. I became so fed up with spiritual preachers and gurus trying to give a formula for life when it just makes their wallets fatter. They want you to bury your head in the sand, ignore life's problems with the gloss of "positivity" and pay them for guidance. Yet, if you look deep into their lives you will see it doesn't really work for them either, they are just as hurt, effed up, and seeking as you are. Money is just the motivation. The truth is life can suck, it can be unfair, we get sick, we have pain, we hurt, we seek. I won't give you an explanation of why, and I sure won't use ancient books to assist me in forming a theory that won't do much good in reality. I will say I have learned I do have choice, I do have it in me to keep going, to be hopeful. I also break down and that's okay because it is just part of life. No one is any better than anyone no matter how they try to sell it to you. When we let go of all judgments, when we let go of all expectations placed by others, religion, society, and make our own damn choices that make us happy and our life better. That's freedom. At least it is for me. I realized my biggest problem was wanting someone to tell me how to be good, how to be okay, how to be normal, loveable, happy..  I tried it all, I did what I was told over and over. Only to find nothing really changed. So now I am not seeing a person, a savior, a god. I am living my life, I am living however the hell I want , knowing fully of consequences of course ( yes I believe in morals LOL) . I am finally saying fuck you to all the "spiritual leaders, gurus, teachers" and to the ancient books etc. Fuck the self help, fuck the crazy cults ( in all religions) who want to feed on your fears to get your money and obedience.. I am free. You are free. All my searching has led right back to me. Friend, you in all your good and bad are fine. Stop beating yourself up. Stop searching for someone to tell you that you are worthy , or good enough. You are. Right now . So that is my rant. Other than learning this huge lesson, I just keep letting go and rolling with life. No one can escape life no matter who you pray to, what you believe, who your teacher is. If they tell you different , they are lying and I'm sure just want you to keep coming back. Can things make it easier to get through life? Of course! Thinking positive helps to cope, praying gives on the idea of not being alone, and so on. Yet, there is this beautiful free place you reach when you stop striving for all of that. You let life go as it will, and you can accept it.
So there you have it. I'm not sure when I will be back here again, so many things coming along in life there isn't much time for writing. Until next time much love to you.