I went to a group meeting today. I did not agree with everything there, but I did meet some very sincere people.. The topic for discussion was trust. I heard stories of victory, where people were pushed to their limits, they were so stressed, worried, and finally at their breaking point. They had to throw their hands up and say to whatever higher power they believe in " I give up, I can't do this anymore, I can't figure it out so here ya go". I heard stories of people needing a place to move by a certain date, everything was going wrong, it came down to the very last day, within hours and the deal came through. One lady who is from Africa was forced by war to live in a refugee camp, the gorilla militia groups had found the camps, and as she put it, they were gunning people down like swatting flies. She said she had this conversation " I know I have my inner guide always with me, always guiding me, but tonight Mahanta ( their term for the highest state of god consciousness) I need to see you, I need to see with my eyes that you are really here and you will protect me.
She said she was so afraid and shaking that it exhausted her so by night fall all the people were quiet, the kids stopped crying and she closed her eyes.
She opened them just a little and she said there was Mahanta, standing right there at the foot of her bed. She was still too scared to move so she closed her eyes , through the night she would open them and there stood Mahanta watching over her. She said she looked at the clock on her wrist and will never forget it was 5:30 am when she finally sat up and said " you really did come to protect me", he answered " of course I did and now you can believe" . She of course made it out of there alive and now resides in Louisville KY USA.
My jaw was wide open as I listened to all these stories , I realized I had a ton of stories since birth I could tell as well. I could write a book on trusting in your higher self and the divine , the miracles that will manifest. See worry really does no good, it is a human thing We rush around, we think we have to worry, figure things out, stress out, in reality we don't . My mentor says to me all the time, " if you knew who walked beside you , you would never fear". That is so true. If we could see we are good, we have so much to offer, the universe is good, and it is for us, we wouldn't worry , we would really live. I think of all the time wasted worrying for nothing, yes hind sight is 20/20, but I hope that I am catching on to the memo here lol. After so many miracles when will we get it?
I am learning still to trust on deeper and deeper levels. I laugh about what my past life must have been, because this life has been full of close calls that drive me to worry and then miracles always happen, I have never been without, those worst case scenarios never happen. Right now I am in a position where I am trying to get my business going, and most of my audience are people that left the crazy cult church with me , but are still so bound in fear they really have no clue how to open their minds. Instead of all that love and acceptance they read in their Bibles they have shut me out and I am now labeled a satan worshipper, or as my own Mother In Law put it in one of their secret Facebook groups " Shawna has went to the dark side and is evil, she has taken my son and grandkids and is brainwashing them, poisoning their minds".. It makes me LOL, but these people call themselves Christians lol. I could do so many things out of a place of fear. I could run back and claim I again believe the same as them , yet keeping my inner beliefs quiet, just to have friends, to have an audience, for more people to read my blog, to come to my groups, to like my facebook post. Thankfully I am not that desperate yet lol.
See, really non of it matters. I fully trust that when I follow my hearts passion and desire, when I am giving it my best, that it will work out beautifully. It might not be right now, but it will. If I run off in fear and compromise who I am , what I believe, and give into the pressure what am I really gaining? I might have fake friends, I might have hundreds of Facebook likes, a full meet up, but I will loose myself and be back at square one.
So my point is at sometime we have to let go and trust in whatever higher power we believe in. When we try to figure it out, or do things to try and make it better , most of the time we make a bigger mess. Even if it feels like it is coming to the end and something has to give, hold on a little longer. I have an issue with thinking I have to figure everything out. When my husband was switching jobs fear hit me, I was like okay well I can keep babysitting ( even though I was miserable with it) , we can give blood, I can borrow money blah blah blah.. Shane had to stop and remind me , no, we wont be doing anything out of fear . Then my mentor let me know, you let go of it, you surrender it, speak your intentions and then stop! The term trying to figure it out in itself is madness. Trying means enduring hardship, figure is like a figure 8 that goes on and on , getting nowhere, and what the hell is "it" anyways . So trust is the key. Without it we are a mess.
I know one thing for sure I am ready to get it, I want to be at the place where when something pops up, I know without that it will all work out, that the universe is for me, and I have no reason to fear. This is my prayer for you as well friend.
So much love, light, and blessings to you!'
Shawna Marrie
Sunday, February 7, 2016
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
Human
I am only human, now that song is in your head hahaha! Seriously, I am just human, today I will thoroughly enjoy being a human. I don't have to do anything if I don't want to, I get to make the choice t do whatever I love, to do whatever the hell I want and only I have that say. I get to do all the amazing things humans can do, like share, connect, love. I can lay in bed all day, I can go sit in a field and just be, I can go buy fresh fruit and flowers because those things make me happy, I can listen to amazing music that lifts my soul. SO may things we take for granted , or worse that act like are out of our reach. " I can't do that " , "I have to go work all day" , "I have to take care of kids", " I don't have the money" ... These are all lies I told myself for way too long.
So today as I had a shouting match with fear in my kitchen telling it to fuck off and letting it know I am not the same , and rubbing in it's face that this is my life and I have no room for it anymore, I also realized all these wonderful truths. I make my choices, and I can do whatever the hell makes me happy.
Fear tried to grip me early by saying, I have to stress about this bill, I have to rush and do this and that, I have to clean my house.. That is when the shouting started. Then I allowed the truth to set in deep. Now I have reggae music up full blast, I am dancing crazy with my pets, and I am loving freedom. I had to stop and share because you too my friend can say fuck you fear, and do whatever the hell it is that makes you happy and free. This life was made for so much more than living in fear and just living. I will NOT join the walking dead. Did you ever wonder why all these zombie shows etc as of the past few years?? What manifest is what's going on inside of us. Too many of us are the walking dead, hating life, just surviving, just roaming around already dead because we are too scared to really live. Friend do not do it, do not let the fucking zombies bite you!!
I got your back! I will help fight the fuckers off, just stop, take in a deep breath (outside is best and it is so beautiful today) and tell yourself I am free, I will choose to be happy, then say fuck you fear!
Now go have a great fucking day!! love yourself, love others and BE FREE !!
I gotta get back to my dance party, the kitty and puppy miss my smooth dance moves.
So much love, light, and blessings to you !!
Shawna Marrie
So today as I had a shouting match with fear in my kitchen telling it to fuck off and letting it know I am not the same , and rubbing in it's face that this is my life and I have no room for it anymore, I also realized all these wonderful truths. I make my choices, and I can do whatever the hell makes me happy.
Fear tried to grip me early by saying, I have to stress about this bill, I have to rush and do this and that, I have to clean my house.. That is when the shouting started. Then I allowed the truth to set in deep. Now I have reggae music up full blast, I am dancing crazy with my pets, and I am loving freedom. I had to stop and share because you too my friend can say fuck you fear, and do whatever the hell it is that makes you happy and free. This life was made for so much more than living in fear and just living. I will NOT join the walking dead. Did you ever wonder why all these zombie shows etc as of the past few years?? What manifest is what's going on inside of us. Too many of us are the walking dead, hating life, just surviving, just roaming around already dead because we are too scared to really live. Friend do not do it, do not let the fucking zombies bite you!!
I got your back! I will help fight the fuckers off, just stop, take in a deep breath (outside is best and it is so beautiful today) and tell yourself I am free, I will choose to be happy, then say fuck you fear!
Now go have a great fucking day!! love yourself, love others and BE FREE !!
I gotta get back to my dance party, the kitty and puppy miss my smooth dance moves.
So much love, light, and blessings to you !!
Shawna Marrie
Monday, February 1, 2016
One word topic . Guilt. That nasty creature.
Guilt. We have all experienced it some point in life, hell some of us live with this each day and may not remember a time it wasn't lurking waiting to dog it's ugly claws in. I can say I have lived with guilt and shame for a long long time. My husband and I both experienced some pretty awful things as children, it is crazy how you may not even realize at that moment, as an innocent child , to cope with something traumatic you have to do something, since children are narcissistic in nature due to everything revolving around them, they will blame themselves internally to make sense of things. Now, you might grow up and think oh I never think about any of those situations that caused guilt/shame so therefore it doesn't effect me, yet, in all areas it has REALLY effected you.
Before I get into where in our society we have created this guilt /shame syndrome to be even worse, I want to say this is a huge reason the false Christian doctrine is so at fault . It has helped shaped our more recent western civilization , when the explorers stumbled upon this land, they brought with it a very twisted , violent, controlling religion with them. They brought not anything to do with the real Jesus , the man who walked this earth as a human trying to get others to see that too as humans can attain the very same things as him. We are all god in our own right. All of the sudden this religion forced upon the natives was full of the idea that humans were born bad and needed to be saved , it list all kinds of sins that humans should not do, oh and of course rules / regulations to live by. I am not talking about basic morals, even the ancient people knew that with knowledge and power, you have to have morals or there will be chaos.
So this religion has helped to shape the way most of us have grown up. The idea that there is something wrong with you ( now let me say that this is a human condition we gain after being socialized into a family, BUT if you add a religion like Christianity on top of this it is a disaster!!). We are raised in families, go to churches, schools, that all teach us we need to understand there is something wrong with us, we start to find flaws in ourselves and others as well. We sadly learn that we must be good so we can be loved, and the only way to be good is through punishment. We have a messed up punishment and reward system, that again you find stems from the Christian belief. If you confess how bad you are just because you were born, then you will be saved. You are punished for what someone else labels bad and then rewarded for what they claim is good.
This whole system is to make sure the individual will no longer need constant external punishment, because it all becomes inward. Take a child who is innocent and does something that his parents claim is bad, they punish and it feels like love is withdrawn. When he does good he is rewarded and they really love him. So now each time that child messes up, does something others label as wrong or bad he will tell himself he is bad, and unworthy of love, and needs to be punished. He will then punish himself internally. This happens all the time in religion but I have witnessed and experienced it in Christianity. So many go around self sabotaging, hating, and just awful towards themselves , all because they think this is god views them, so they view themselves that way, oh and then it spreads out like a disease , they start to spew it onto others. This mentality of I deserve what happens to me plays a huge role as well. Thinking oh well I am so bad, I only deserve bad, then you attract bad and claim this is somehow gods will.
You start to tell yourself you don't deserve to be happy, you don't deserve love or anything good. Guilt is a form of self punishment and self abuse!! The emotion of guilt was created in all humans to let us know hey , I did something I do not want to repeat, it didn't align with my higher self , now I know through guilt that it's not something I enjoy or want to do again. What happens next is anger and regret keep you inside this prison of guilt. Guilt in itself serves no other purpose except what I listed above, it now turns into blame, self punishment, and self abuse.
I see so many people who once they get away from controlling situations, abuse, and even religions that have taught them this unhealthy way of punishment/reward, self hate, guilt, shame, they get a taste of freedom, yet the guilt of just living is too much. They can't handle it. They have been so conditioned their whole life about what is right and wrong, what you love about others and what you judge /hate , they can't do it. They run right back to the old ways, they are right back confessing to Jesus what an awful person they are etc. Really they are still hating themselves. No one is to judge what is right or wrong, we ourselves should not be judging like we do. We are to love and learn, be free, just be aware and mindful. The guilt ridden self hating mind can't do this. It will pick itself apart , then when they have cut themselves so much and can't handle the pain, they then go out and start judging/stabbing others. It is a sick, painful way to live. We can be free of the guilt placed on us by others, by situations, and ourselves.
The first step is realize what guilt is , what it does, and how it isn't serving you. Decide you are ready and willing to let go of guilt. Replace your belief that you deserve punishment ( hell , pain etc) no love, no happiness with the belief that you DO deserve happiness, love, etc. Only take responsibility for your part, you do not have to take on the guilt of something someone else did. You have to stop looking at the past and trying to change it in your mind. We can't change it and to keep going back and thinking of what we could have done different does no good in reality. Apologize to anyone you hurt in the past that you still feel guilt over. Even forgive yourself . Make a plan of how you will behave in the future, don't just hear things and let it go, really put to practice new ways of thinking and being.
Discover all assumptions and judgments your making in situations that cause you to feel guit. Remember guilt is the opposite of self love, so if you really want to start cutting down guilt at the roots you have to start self love! Listen to affirmation, or write your own, it is time to flip the script and it starts with love! Remember this as will guilt eating away at your life will continue to attract situations into your life that create more guilt!!!! Ever wonder why it gets out of control ? Why after that thing you did that you or someone labeled as bad all of the sudden you keep doing it, or other bad things?? ding ding ding!!!
It makes me sad to see so many run and hide after feeling exposed. They are breaking away trying to find freedom, they are living just experiencing life, but, those old lies that they were told start playing of how wrong they are, how bad they are, the guilt hits and self hate is out of control , so they run back to the only place they know, because yeah asking for forgivness to my make believe god will make me a good person now. If only they can see they are just continuing the cycle. It is ok. Go and live, make mistakes, make your own choices, stop hurting yourself and others. When you hate yourself you push everyone away. When you are judging you then you start to do it to everyone around you.
No matter if the guilt/shame is from something that happened to you, or if it is just a lifetime of being told how bad you are, how much you need to be saved, and ask to be forgiven.. You can change this. Please love you, know you deserve the best and that you are not a bad person for being you.
So much love , light, and blessings to you all!!
Shawna Marrie
Before I get into where in our society we have created this guilt /shame syndrome to be even worse, I want to say this is a huge reason the false Christian doctrine is so at fault . It has helped shaped our more recent western civilization , when the explorers stumbled upon this land, they brought with it a very twisted , violent, controlling religion with them. They brought not anything to do with the real Jesus , the man who walked this earth as a human trying to get others to see that too as humans can attain the very same things as him. We are all god in our own right. All of the sudden this religion forced upon the natives was full of the idea that humans were born bad and needed to be saved , it list all kinds of sins that humans should not do, oh and of course rules / regulations to live by. I am not talking about basic morals, even the ancient people knew that with knowledge and power, you have to have morals or there will be chaos.
So this religion has helped to shape the way most of us have grown up. The idea that there is something wrong with you ( now let me say that this is a human condition we gain after being socialized into a family, BUT if you add a religion like Christianity on top of this it is a disaster!!). We are raised in families, go to churches, schools, that all teach us we need to understand there is something wrong with us, we start to find flaws in ourselves and others as well. We sadly learn that we must be good so we can be loved, and the only way to be good is through punishment. We have a messed up punishment and reward system, that again you find stems from the Christian belief. If you confess how bad you are just because you were born, then you will be saved. You are punished for what someone else labels bad and then rewarded for what they claim is good.
This whole system is to make sure the individual will no longer need constant external punishment, because it all becomes inward. Take a child who is innocent and does something that his parents claim is bad, they punish and it feels like love is withdrawn. When he does good he is rewarded and they really love him. So now each time that child messes up, does something others label as wrong or bad he will tell himself he is bad, and unworthy of love, and needs to be punished. He will then punish himself internally. This happens all the time in religion but I have witnessed and experienced it in Christianity. So many go around self sabotaging, hating, and just awful towards themselves , all because they think this is god views them, so they view themselves that way, oh and then it spreads out like a disease , they start to spew it onto others. This mentality of I deserve what happens to me plays a huge role as well. Thinking oh well I am so bad, I only deserve bad, then you attract bad and claim this is somehow gods will.
You start to tell yourself you don't deserve to be happy, you don't deserve love or anything good. Guilt is a form of self punishment and self abuse!! The emotion of guilt was created in all humans to let us know hey , I did something I do not want to repeat, it didn't align with my higher self , now I know through guilt that it's not something I enjoy or want to do again. What happens next is anger and regret keep you inside this prison of guilt. Guilt in itself serves no other purpose except what I listed above, it now turns into blame, self punishment, and self abuse.
I see so many people who once they get away from controlling situations, abuse, and even religions that have taught them this unhealthy way of punishment/reward, self hate, guilt, shame, they get a taste of freedom, yet the guilt of just living is too much. They can't handle it. They have been so conditioned their whole life about what is right and wrong, what you love about others and what you judge /hate , they can't do it. They run right back to the old ways, they are right back confessing to Jesus what an awful person they are etc. Really they are still hating themselves. No one is to judge what is right or wrong, we ourselves should not be judging like we do. We are to love and learn, be free, just be aware and mindful. The guilt ridden self hating mind can't do this. It will pick itself apart , then when they have cut themselves so much and can't handle the pain, they then go out and start judging/stabbing others. It is a sick, painful way to live. We can be free of the guilt placed on us by others, by situations, and ourselves.
The first step is realize what guilt is , what it does, and how it isn't serving you. Decide you are ready and willing to let go of guilt. Replace your belief that you deserve punishment ( hell , pain etc) no love, no happiness with the belief that you DO deserve happiness, love, etc. Only take responsibility for your part, you do not have to take on the guilt of something someone else did. You have to stop looking at the past and trying to change it in your mind. We can't change it and to keep going back and thinking of what we could have done different does no good in reality. Apologize to anyone you hurt in the past that you still feel guilt over. Even forgive yourself . Make a plan of how you will behave in the future, don't just hear things and let it go, really put to practice new ways of thinking and being.
Discover all assumptions and judgments your making in situations that cause you to feel guit. Remember guilt is the opposite of self love, so if you really want to start cutting down guilt at the roots you have to start self love! Listen to affirmation, or write your own, it is time to flip the script and it starts with love! Remember this as will guilt eating away at your life will continue to attract situations into your life that create more guilt!!!! Ever wonder why it gets out of control ? Why after that thing you did that you or someone labeled as bad all of the sudden you keep doing it, or other bad things?? ding ding ding!!!
It makes me sad to see so many run and hide after feeling exposed. They are breaking away trying to find freedom, they are living just experiencing life, but, those old lies that they were told start playing of how wrong they are, how bad they are, the guilt hits and self hate is out of control , so they run back to the only place they know, because yeah asking for forgivness to my make believe god will make me a good person now. If only they can see they are just continuing the cycle. It is ok. Go and live, make mistakes, make your own choices, stop hurting yourself and others. When you hate yourself you push everyone away. When you are judging you then you start to do it to everyone around you.
No matter if the guilt/shame is from something that happened to you, or if it is just a lifetime of being told how bad you are, how much you need to be saved, and ask to be forgiven.. You can change this. Please love you, know you deserve the best and that you are not a bad person for being you.
So much love , light, and blessings to you all!!
Shawna Marrie
Friday, January 29, 2016
We can all do something.
I didn't start this blog, or my journey deeper into my gifts to get rich, now maybe somewhere I have a money block lol, see I have never been about money or materialistic things. I am about love, connection, being connected to something big. If somehow the universe has taken that and I am still not rich, so be it. I mean yeah who doesn't have desires of money, freedom to do as you please, when you want, and no more worrying blah blah. Well, I trust the universe will always give me what I need and so far I have never ever been without, some close calls yeah, I have had the honor of learning the lesson of deep trust in something bigger than myself. You might say huh?? honor?? Yep. Anyone can trust in their riches and hold tight , I have an open hand saying yes universe more please, and I know I am guided, protected, and provided for, so I learn to say " fuck you fear".
The point of this is I do what I do to heal, to love, because it has been my deepest desire to help others. So no, I don't have the prettiest website, not many people read my blog, I don't make much money at what I do, yet I know it serves a higher purpose and I really don't care much about the rest. I hate messing with trying to organize Facebook post for my business page, or what will I talk about on Periscope, I would rather be sitting with someone in pain and helping then in any way I can.
So to you out there who may not feel like you can do anything help the world, maybe you go to a job you don't like, you don't get out much, your kids are you main social group. It is simple, just love. Be kind, have compassion, have empathy for others. Even if you feel shitty, or broken, whatever state you are in, when you open up and give, pour into another, you are changing more than your eyes can see.
This is short and to the point, but man lets be the change we seek .. I am guilty of shitting it off, of just being angry and negative, hopeless, but when I give it changes everything. Stop seeing what you can gain, and start looking at the real change you can bring inside you and others.
So much love, light, and blessings to you all!!
Shawna Marrie
The point of this is I do what I do to heal, to love, because it has been my deepest desire to help others. So no, I don't have the prettiest website, not many people read my blog, I don't make much money at what I do, yet I know it serves a higher purpose and I really don't care much about the rest. I hate messing with trying to organize Facebook post for my business page, or what will I talk about on Periscope, I would rather be sitting with someone in pain and helping then in any way I can.
So to you out there who may not feel like you can do anything help the world, maybe you go to a job you don't like, you don't get out much, your kids are you main social group. It is simple, just love. Be kind, have compassion, have empathy for others. Even if you feel shitty, or broken, whatever state you are in, when you open up and give, pour into another, you are changing more than your eyes can see.
This is short and to the point, but man lets be the change we seek .. I am guilty of shitting it off, of just being angry and negative, hopeless, but when I give it changes everything. Stop seeing what you can gain, and start looking at the real change you can bring inside you and others.
So much love, light, and blessings to you all!!
Shawna Marrie
Thursday, January 28, 2016
You and I do have a purpose, I know hard to believe but it is so true.
Hi, my name is Shawna and I suffer from ADD, it is a writer and entrepreneurs enemy. I have so much inside yet, I have to work really hard at organizing it all so that you aren't left scratching your head wondering what the hell I am trying to say. It is not so bad for me in conversation because I easily open my throat chakra and let it flow. When I am home trying to stay on task or do what I need to do , it can get ugly. Oh look! A new notification that leads to an hour of mindless Facebook , oh I got a text that led to a call and look there that is shiny and pretty... What the hell was I doing?? Yeah you get my drift lol.
Today I listened to hours of amazing ladies sharing their knowledge in the Virtual Psychic Summit ( you should check it out on Facebook! It just calling in for a week and hearing many presenters share their vast knowledge and it is FREE) The message I heard the most today was that we all have a purpose, as I was listening to a ladies story ( I don't know her at all) tears start streaming, I close my eyes and I hear my angels, source energy start to talk. Telling me see there, no matter what your ego says you have a purpose, it is unique and you survived this long to go out and shine. The tears came harder. Thank you angels, thank you god and goddess I so needed that.
This led me to share a little bit of my story in hopes you can relate, so you too can realize you have a purpose and so I can help you find out what it is.
From birth it felt my life was set up to be doomed, at least if we go by statistics. Born to a young mother, dad ran off , living in the projects, my single mom working her ass off and doing her best. My mom gets married when I am young, I am led to believe this is my father, he is controlling, loud, angry , an alcoholic, I am living in fear most days. I was never hurt physically by my dad but the fear of the unknown was enough for me. I was very quiet and shy ( yes even though I am a Leo) . The abuse started for me around age 4 and I will not go into detail since I have never spoken to my family about any of this. It occurred at different times by different males through out my life.
By the age of 12 I had been sneaking alcohol, was promiscuous, by 14 I was sexually active by my own choice, attempting to get love and attention I so needed from my parents etc .. I was depressed, started smoking pot, using LSD, and attempted suicide. I was diagnosed as severely depressed and put on medication that I didn't want to take. The next few years were full of drugs, alcohol, parties, my father was an alcoholic, my mother working her butt off, going to school , a job etc and not much time allowed for me. There were many times I came close to harm , driving all over the country, being in the wrong place at the wrong time. At 16 I was hit by a car walking across a busy road in a busy city . I should have died. I flew 6 feet in the air, I busted out the windshield with my head, I remember looking down as I was falling back to earth thinking " this is the end" . Instead those wonderful adrenaline guys kicked in, I was in shock, I jumped up there was a huge crowd, I started to grab my belongings scattered on the ground, I looked at my friend and said " I want to go home now" . I then collapsed to the ground trying not to pass out, screaming in pain . The pain in my back was the worst ever, my legs were numb, I was scared. The ambulance came, rushed me to the ER. If you have never been rushed half out of it on a stretcher through the ER , it is pretty damn scary.
Pain meds kicked in and I don't remember much, they had to cut my clothes off because of the bleeding, after many test and waking up. I was alive, even better I only had many cuts and scrapes, a broken tail bone, whip lash, nerve damage and compressed disk in my back. I was going to be okay.
There are many other scenarios in my life I could take you to, the ones that stand out the most are being at an apartment in downtown Louisville at the age of 16 and it was a party drug house. There were two guys who didn't look familiar, or like they really fit in, I got a bad vibe , after busying what I needed and hanging out for a few my friend and I left. Right after leaving those two guys held everyone there at gun point, shooting a couple people, and robbing everyone.
Another time some local people might recall a hotel bust in Clarksville back in 1999. There were a ton of my friends living in this hotel , ages 14 to 30 . Every drug you could imagine was there. I went in with my boyfriend at the time, got what we needed then left, upon leaving, I see all these cop cars and DEA cars rushing to the hotel. Everyone there was in jail and facing huge charges, I made it out by minuets.
Another time myself and a boyfriend had pounds of pot that was brought from Mexico in the back of my car, we are to meet at a hotel . We pull up and there are cop cars EVERYWHERE, we just happened to pick the hotel where the police convention was going on at that very moment. Seriously!!! We proceeded and somehow did not end up in jail.
I can go onto tell about getting pregnant and becoming a teen mom, being in a very abusive and controlling marriage at a young age, joining a crazy cult. Then of course the pain of divorce, your children gone half the time, and rebuilding your life.
At some point I started to heal, the more I was healing, learning, growing and transforming the more my heart was on fire to guide others into the same healing etc I had found. Yet, I had this mentality that once I gained ground and started seeing huge transformation in my life that I had reached somewhere. Then when life happened, remarriage, becoming a step parent, juggling so many things, the stress of life, trying to be perfect caught up to me. I assumed this was just how my life would forever be, unable to see that yes, there will always be a struggle, something to help transform me , to cause me to dig deeper inside. So I gave up. I said forget my dreams and passions I will just survive.
This was not enough, I tried to run away, I tried to numb my pain. Then it was like I woke up. I let the false teachings go, I let the Jesus god go, I let so much go and I started to embrace a whole new life. Would you know it my passion came back. I again had to jump back on the healing wagon, and realize something that was so hard for me. It is ok to be a broken vessel and still pour water into the thirsty. I can be me, I can live my messy life, yet I know now what I have learned, all my crazy experiences are for a purpose, they are to help guide those that are in similar situations to safety, to beauty, to their dreams.
If we were perfect we would have nothing to offer anyone. So many are still stuck thinking only when they are perfect, with a perfect life, they can then give, live, love, share. It is so not that way. My gifts have come through my struggle, they were given so in my imperfect state I can still give.
What about you? What is your story? Did you let your mistakes hold you back from thinking you have a great purpose to serve on this earth? Do you think that because you are human you have nothing to offer the world?? I will challenge you to dig deep, find what your heart loves, if it has come through a struggle more than likely it is a clue to your purpose. You are perfect in your imperfections because really no one judge the right or worng since it doesn't exist. Just be you, let your light shine even if you feel you are in the dark. Know that even if it isn't clear yet you have so much to give and share with this world.
If you are feeling stuck and down know this, you have everything in you to create the life ou want. No one is holding you back but you. Jesus the man did not want to be god, he didn't want to be the one people boo hooed to when life got tough, he showed them the truth that he had god in him and we have the exact same thing !! We are gods, we are co creators of our story. It will be messy, but don't let dim your shine!
Keep shining, keep giving, keep loving. You are amazing just as you are, and you have so much to give the world, what are you waiting for??
So much love, light, and blessings to you all!
Shawna Marrie
Today I listened to hours of amazing ladies sharing their knowledge in the Virtual Psychic Summit ( you should check it out on Facebook! It just calling in for a week and hearing many presenters share their vast knowledge and it is FREE) The message I heard the most today was that we all have a purpose, as I was listening to a ladies story ( I don't know her at all) tears start streaming, I close my eyes and I hear my angels, source energy start to talk. Telling me see there, no matter what your ego says you have a purpose, it is unique and you survived this long to go out and shine. The tears came harder. Thank you angels, thank you god and goddess I so needed that.
This led me to share a little bit of my story in hopes you can relate, so you too can realize you have a purpose and so I can help you find out what it is.
From birth it felt my life was set up to be doomed, at least if we go by statistics. Born to a young mother, dad ran off , living in the projects, my single mom working her ass off and doing her best. My mom gets married when I am young, I am led to believe this is my father, he is controlling, loud, angry , an alcoholic, I am living in fear most days. I was never hurt physically by my dad but the fear of the unknown was enough for me. I was very quiet and shy ( yes even though I am a Leo) . The abuse started for me around age 4 and I will not go into detail since I have never spoken to my family about any of this. It occurred at different times by different males through out my life.
By the age of 12 I had been sneaking alcohol, was promiscuous, by 14 I was sexually active by my own choice, attempting to get love and attention I so needed from my parents etc .. I was depressed, started smoking pot, using LSD, and attempted suicide. I was diagnosed as severely depressed and put on medication that I didn't want to take. The next few years were full of drugs, alcohol, parties, my father was an alcoholic, my mother working her butt off, going to school , a job etc and not much time allowed for me. There were many times I came close to harm , driving all over the country, being in the wrong place at the wrong time. At 16 I was hit by a car walking across a busy road in a busy city . I should have died. I flew 6 feet in the air, I busted out the windshield with my head, I remember looking down as I was falling back to earth thinking " this is the end" . Instead those wonderful adrenaline guys kicked in, I was in shock, I jumped up there was a huge crowd, I started to grab my belongings scattered on the ground, I looked at my friend and said " I want to go home now" . I then collapsed to the ground trying not to pass out, screaming in pain . The pain in my back was the worst ever, my legs were numb, I was scared. The ambulance came, rushed me to the ER. If you have never been rushed half out of it on a stretcher through the ER , it is pretty damn scary.
Pain meds kicked in and I don't remember much, they had to cut my clothes off because of the bleeding, after many test and waking up. I was alive, even better I only had many cuts and scrapes, a broken tail bone, whip lash, nerve damage and compressed disk in my back. I was going to be okay.
There are many other scenarios in my life I could take you to, the ones that stand out the most are being at an apartment in downtown Louisville at the age of 16 and it was a party drug house. There were two guys who didn't look familiar, or like they really fit in, I got a bad vibe , after busying what I needed and hanging out for a few my friend and I left. Right after leaving those two guys held everyone there at gun point, shooting a couple people, and robbing everyone.
Another time some local people might recall a hotel bust in Clarksville back in 1999. There were a ton of my friends living in this hotel , ages 14 to 30 . Every drug you could imagine was there. I went in with my boyfriend at the time, got what we needed then left, upon leaving, I see all these cop cars and DEA cars rushing to the hotel. Everyone there was in jail and facing huge charges, I made it out by minuets.
Another time myself and a boyfriend had pounds of pot that was brought from Mexico in the back of my car, we are to meet at a hotel . We pull up and there are cop cars EVERYWHERE, we just happened to pick the hotel where the police convention was going on at that very moment. Seriously!!! We proceeded and somehow did not end up in jail.
I can go onto tell about getting pregnant and becoming a teen mom, being in a very abusive and controlling marriage at a young age, joining a crazy cult. Then of course the pain of divorce, your children gone half the time, and rebuilding your life.
At some point I started to heal, the more I was healing, learning, growing and transforming the more my heart was on fire to guide others into the same healing etc I had found. Yet, I had this mentality that once I gained ground and started seeing huge transformation in my life that I had reached somewhere. Then when life happened, remarriage, becoming a step parent, juggling so many things, the stress of life, trying to be perfect caught up to me. I assumed this was just how my life would forever be, unable to see that yes, there will always be a struggle, something to help transform me , to cause me to dig deeper inside. So I gave up. I said forget my dreams and passions I will just survive.
This was not enough, I tried to run away, I tried to numb my pain. Then it was like I woke up. I let the false teachings go, I let the Jesus god go, I let so much go and I started to embrace a whole new life. Would you know it my passion came back. I again had to jump back on the healing wagon, and realize something that was so hard for me. It is ok to be a broken vessel and still pour water into the thirsty. I can be me, I can live my messy life, yet I know now what I have learned, all my crazy experiences are for a purpose, they are to help guide those that are in similar situations to safety, to beauty, to their dreams.
If we were perfect we would have nothing to offer anyone. So many are still stuck thinking only when they are perfect, with a perfect life, they can then give, live, love, share. It is so not that way. My gifts have come through my struggle, they were given so in my imperfect state I can still give.
What about you? What is your story? Did you let your mistakes hold you back from thinking you have a great purpose to serve on this earth? Do you think that because you are human you have nothing to offer the world?? I will challenge you to dig deep, find what your heart loves, if it has come through a struggle more than likely it is a clue to your purpose. You are perfect in your imperfections because really no one judge the right or worng since it doesn't exist. Just be you, let your light shine even if you feel you are in the dark. Know that even if it isn't clear yet you have so much to give and share with this world.
If you are feeling stuck and down know this, you have everything in you to create the life ou want. No one is holding you back but you. Jesus the man did not want to be god, he didn't want to be the one people boo hooed to when life got tough, he showed them the truth that he had god in him and we have the exact same thing !! We are gods, we are co creators of our story. It will be messy, but don't let dim your shine!
Keep shining, keep giving, keep loving. You are amazing just as you are, and you have so much to give the world, what are you waiting for??
So much love, light, and blessings to you all!
Shawna Marrie
Monday, January 25, 2016
The transformation of me.
Have you ever had something inside just bursting? Yet it is all jumbled up and you have to find the words to form a sentence so you can attempt to get a point across?? That has been me all day long. I have this in me and I keep thinking about it, however I have to get it out , in a way that doesn't make me sound like Jack Kerouac on a binge.
Back in 2014 I decided to find out why I claimed to be a Christian, what did that mean? I didn't know squat about the history, only what the Bible had taught , sadly the Bible somehow replaced most of real history through the western world. I was in awe. I knew I was getting closer and closer to my truth and it was like an addiction. I dreamed to be an archeologist but it makes sense now, I LOVE digging deep and finding hidden truth. In all things! People, stories, history, religion, I take nothing for face value and it is usually my intuition guiding me as I get in the zone and I am digging away. This brings such joy and excitement.
After my studies I was scared. I now had a totally new way of looking at Christianity than before, I wanted to explode , I wanted to scream it out to every Christian I knew, but I didn't.. I was scared. Too scared of being judged, kicked out of the church, shunned by my peers. I did continue to study but each time I entered the church doors I could hardly stomach being there. As fate would have it the crazy church split. Cases of child abuse, molestation, abuse etc from way back until present came out, the fact that this church leader has taught occult/mystical knowledge yet in a sick way puts a Jesus spin on it so you are pulled in by the "mystery" that your common Christian just doesn't know, yet you are still so controlled by the Christian law. It is crazy. This gave me an easy way out, I was also finally able to speak up about the abuse I endured. I still knew there was so much more I needed to learn, I was still hiding behind Jesus.
If you watch the show Vikings ( one of the few shows I watch and love) , you will see where I was . I was the Christian monk, that finds so many tangible, beautiful gods that I love yet I am torn. In all reality it is just fear that is grasping me. I see it in so many , you try to break away, then you run right back and are all wwjd running to the cross, getting washed in the blood ( and they claim I am weird lol). I see that fear in you. Some applaud you and I am sure most of the motive is to make others think you are still holding fast to the faith , because it is too real and scary to loose friends, fans, oh wow they might reject me.. LOL.. I have lost friends, family, my facebook friends was cut in half, I have been called a devil worshipper, told I am going to hell, I have heard it all! I cut my losses. I didn't conform or run back to church or the church gang just bc life felt lonely or I need to be needed.. See I care about others feelings so I make careful choices, yet I am very independent and I really don't have the need as some to be wanted, surrounded by others, I actually like my alone time lol . Let me say this loud and clear you can't carry the old shit if you want something new. You can't transform while holding tight onto the old story. Let the fear go. Stop being scared to live, to make mistakes, to be your raw wild self. Stop thinking that you need a savior! Be your own savior! This mentality that you can go and be irresponsible and just run to Jesus to make it all better is just sick. Own your shit! Make your life better! Stop with the poor me and the same old song and dance that you have no control of your life and you will just "pray and give it to god".
That was a rant, it means nothing, just my feelings and opinions. I will be happy to share why at this point in my life I can proudly say I am not a Christian, I have no fear about it, I am very happy with this choice. The only thing I am still trying to figure out on my own is where does Jesus fit into the mix?? Did he even walk the earth? Was he just totally made up as the Roman god to control and gain fortune? Was he here? Was he raised in a time where the other religions prominent in his time taught to him? Was he an Essene? They are the ancient group that wrote the dead sea scrolls, they believed in so many things we would call "new age" today. They were powerful healers, teachers, they were able to create and manifest great things as well as great inventions. They also protected and passed down the ancient knowledge from the start of the human race. Jesus fits that perfectly. Was he just a man that reached god consciousness , trying to convince others that they had god in them and could get there as well? There is great debate on both sides. I know one thing for sure in my studies I have found if Jesus walked this earth he was nothing more than you and I , we all have god in us, we are all god and from source energy. Did he get swept up in a messy political war of his time? I am going to give the info that has helped me come to some pretty big conclusions.
This is a list of ancient gods way before Jesus was around, oddly enough Jesus sounds like a compilation of them all, so this helps my thinking that the Romans created this Jesus or they made the man Jesus who was killed for political reasons, who was trying to peacefully teach what he had learned , they used this man as an opportunity to create a god.
Egyptian god Horus 1280 BC
Date of birth is December 25
born to a virgin ( his father was killed and resurrected , they had not consummated their marriage yet so they did after he came in spirit form, this is a young girl being impregnated by a spirit ( the holy spirit) ).
tempted in the desert
baptized in a river
walked on water
raised a man named Asar from the dead ( Asar translates to Lazarus)
he had 12 disciples
he was crucified and rose again
Krishna
called the son of god
called a savior and that he saved men from their sins
his earthly step father was a carpenter
when he was born wise men and shepherds followed a star to him
he was without sin
he performed miracles
he was called human and divine , part man and part god
he raised the dead
he openly forgave his enemies
he had a last supper before death
he went to hell then ascended to heaven and it was witnessed by men
Mithra
Date of birth December 25
died for sins so sinners could have everlasting life
born of a virgin
born in a manger with many shepherds at birth
he was called the light of the world
had a last supper
had disciples
worshippers celebrated a special meal symbolizing eating his flesh and drinking his blood
halo is depicted around him
he performed water miracles
his followers branded themselves with a cross, this was his symbol
Odin
father/god
sacrificed on a "world tree" then pierced in side by spear
his son balder was also pierced with spear
son dies and is suppose to be reborn/resurrected representing the second coming of Jesus
son is called the light
Bear with me please, not trying to get boring or all school book on you lol. I just want to give those that call themselves Christian yet have no clue about real history, or how their religion really came to be other than the bible a chance to gain some knowledge, as well as those that might to walk away from Christianity but are too scared because they don't have enough historical facts to show them it is okay. The next guy is very important and he is the closest one that is like Jesus.
Ptolemaic Dynasty --- Soter ( that name translated means savior)
Soter
This guy was the first European Pharaoh, he came by force led by Alexander the great and took the position of Pharaoh in Egypt. He demanded that he gain god stature like all previous natural born Egyptian Pharaohs were. The priest refused. They were damned to let this European guy who came in by force be called a god. That did not go over very well and so he decided to go on killing sprees of Egyptians. He also gave himself an Egyptian name , Meryamun Setepenre this means god chosen of Ra . Finally the priest at Memphis gave in so they would nor other innocent people would not be killed. This man was called a savior by his followers and he was called the Christ. His followers were called Christians. There is a statue of him in London and he looks just like the pictures of Jesus we see. It seems clear that Constantine used this European Pharaoh to help create the god Jesus. They then would force this new god on the Africans , start wiping out all ancient text and knowledge they had, and it also went on into slavery, they were still forced to worship this god Jesus in the western world.
325 AD The Council of Nicaea
At this council they had to settle many disputes. One was is Jesus god or is he just an ordinary human like everyone else. Also decided would be the books that were placed in the Bible and the dated of holidays such as Christmas and Easter. I find it rather humorous that Constantine being a pagan who converted to Christianity still used pagan holidays and just attempted to make them about the new god Jesus. They voted, yes seriously a bunch of men voted , and it was a very close vote , that Jesus from that day forward would be considered a god. See there are recent discoveries of the oldest Bible found in Palestine and it claims that Jesus was just an ordinary human like us all, not a god. Yet, a few votes made him a god at that point. There were many ancient text brought forth at this time to be examined and the books of the bible were chosen. many like the dead sea scrolls, the book of Thomas, the book of Enoch were left out. Why?? During a period of time when everyone was writing , especially writing religious text on their own personal belief, some guys randomly picked the books you and I at one point literally lived my every waking moment by. gggrrrr... It is also mind blowing that this pagan ruler seemed to use so many ancient gods to weave together this story of the Jesus god.
I hope this has been informative for you and that you learned something new. Please don't just believe something because someone tells you it is the truth, please don't follow one book like your life depends on it , when other humans created it . If you can now maybe see that the Jesus God the Romans created became the Catholic god, they then went on Crusades in order to burn and destroy all and any ancient knowledge, spiritual knowledge, anything that told the truth of our origins, the power we all have etc. WHY? What were they so afraid of us knowing? You better believe after being in the place where civilization started these Romans learned a thing or two. They now created a plan where their new Jesus god would help them be filthy rich, control people through fear, start wars, political uprising where they would have the power. It still continues today. SO many are still bound by fear to the Jesus god they know nothing much about except what they were told. Stop living in fear! Step out and give living a chance!
Well it is late and I am tired, plus I feel like I just typed a damn novel lol.
So much love, light, and blessings to you all!
Shawna Marrie
Back in 2014 I decided to find out why I claimed to be a Christian, what did that mean? I didn't know squat about the history, only what the Bible had taught , sadly the Bible somehow replaced most of real history through the western world. I was in awe. I knew I was getting closer and closer to my truth and it was like an addiction. I dreamed to be an archeologist but it makes sense now, I LOVE digging deep and finding hidden truth. In all things! People, stories, history, religion, I take nothing for face value and it is usually my intuition guiding me as I get in the zone and I am digging away. This brings such joy and excitement.
After my studies I was scared. I now had a totally new way of looking at Christianity than before, I wanted to explode , I wanted to scream it out to every Christian I knew, but I didn't.. I was scared. Too scared of being judged, kicked out of the church, shunned by my peers. I did continue to study but each time I entered the church doors I could hardly stomach being there. As fate would have it the crazy church split. Cases of child abuse, molestation, abuse etc from way back until present came out, the fact that this church leader has taught occult/mystical knowledge yet in a sick way puts a Jesus spin on it so you are pulled in by the "mystery" that your common Christian just doesn't know, yet you are still so controlled by the Christian law. It is crazy. This gave me an easy way out, I was also finally able to speak up about the abuse I endured. I still knew there was so much more I needed to learn, I was still hiding behind Jesus.
If you watch the show Vikings ( one of the few shows I watch and love) , you will see where I was . I was the Christian monk, that finds so many tangible, beautiful gods that I love yet I am torn. In all reality it is just fear that is grasping me. I see it in so many , you try to break away, then you run right back and are all wwjd running to the cross, getting washed in the blood ( and they claim I am weird lol). I see that fear in you. Some applaud you and I am sure most of the motive is to make others think you are still holding fast to the faith , because it is too real and scary to loose friends, fans, oh wow they might reject me.. LOL.. I have lost friends, family, my facebook friends was cut in half, I have been called a devil worshipper, told I am going to hell, I have heard it all! I cut my losses. I didn't conform or run back to church or the church gang just bc life felt lonely or I need to be needed.. See I care about others feelings so I make careful choices, yet I am very independent and I really don't have the need as some to be wanted, surrounded by others, I actually like my alone time lol . Let me say this loud and clear you can't carry the old shit if you want something new. You can't transform while holding tight onto the old story. Let the fear go. Stop being scared to live, to make mistakes, to be your raw wild self. Stop thinking that you need a savior! Be your own savior! This mentality that you can go and be irresponsible and just run to Jesus to make it all better is just sick. Own your shit! Make your life better! Stop with the poor me and the same old song and dance that you have no control of your life and you will just "pray and give it to god".
That was a rant, it means nothing, just my feelings and opinions. I will be happy to share why at this point in my life I can proudly say I am not a Christian, I have no fear about it, I am very happy with this choice. The only thing I am still trying to figure out on my own is where does Jesus fit into the mix?? Did he even walk the earth? Was he just totally made up as the Roman god to control and gain fortune? Was he here? Was he raised in a time where the other religions prominent in his time taught to him? Was he an Essene? They are the ancient group that wrote the dead sea scrolls, they believed in so many things we would call "new age" today. They were powerful healers, teachers, they were able to create and manifest great things as well as great inventions. They also protected and passed down the ancient knowledge from the start of the human race. Jesus fits that perfectly. Was he just a man that reached god consciousness , trying to convince others that they had god in them and could get there as well? There is great debate on both sides. I know one thing for sure in my studies I have found if Jesus walked this earth he was nothing more than you and I , we all have god in us, we are all god and from source energy. Did he get swept up in a messy political war of his time? I am going to give the info that has helped me come to some pretty big conclusions.
This is a list of ancient gods way before Jesus was around, oddly enough Jesus sounds like a compilation of them all, so this helps my thinking that the Romans created this Jesus or they made the man Jesus who was killed for political reasons, who was trying to peacefully teach what he had learned , they used this man as an opportunity to create a god.
Egyptian god Horus 1280 BC
Date of birth is December 25
born to a virgin ( his father was killed and resurrected , they had not consummated their marriage yet so they did after he came in spirit form, this is a young girl being impregnated by a spirit ( the holy spirit) ).
tempted in the desert
baptized in a river
walked on water
raised a man named Asar from the dead ( Asar translates to Lazarus)
he had 12 disciples
he was crucified and rose again
Krishna
called the son of god
called a savior and that he saved men from their sins
his earthly step father was a carpenter
when he was born wise men and shepherds followed a star to him
he was without sin
he performed miracles
he was called human and divine , part man and part god
he raised the dead
he openly forgave his enemies
he had a last supper before death
he went to hell then ascended to heaven and it was witnessed by men
Mithra
Date of birth December 25
died for sins so sinners could have everlasting life
born of a virgin
born in a manger with many shepherds at birth
he was called the light of the world
had a last supper
had disciples
worshippers celebrated a special meal symbolizing eating his flesh and drinking his blood
halo is depicted around him
he performed water miracles
his followers branded themselves with a cross, this was his symbol
Odin
father/god
sacrificed on a "world tree" then pierced in side by spear
his son balder was also pierced with spear
son dies and is suppose to be reborn/resurrected representing the second coming of Jesus
son is called the light
Bear with me please, not trying to get boring or all school book on you lol. I just want to give those that call themselves Christian yet have no clue about real history, or how their religion really came to be other than the bible a chance to gain some knowledge, as well as those that might to walk away from Christianity but are too scared because they don't have enough historical facts to show them it is okay. The next guy is very important and he is the closest one that is like Jesus.
Ptolemaic Dynasty --- Soter ( that name translated means savior)
Soter
This guy was the first European Pharaoh, he came by force led by Alexander the great and took the position of Pharaoh in Egypt. He demanded that he gain god stature like all previous natural born Egyptian Pharaohs were. The priest refused. They were damned to let this European guy who came in by force be called a god. That did not go over very well and so he decided to go on killing sprees of Egyptians. He also gave himself an Egyptian name , Meryamun Setepenre this means god chosen of Ra . Finally the priest at Memphis gave in so they would nor other innocent people would not be killed. This man was called a savior by his followers and he was called the Christ. His followers were called Christians. There is a statue of him in London and he looks just like the pictures of Jesus we see. It seems clear that Constantine used this European Pharaoh to help create the god Jesus. They then would force this new god on the Africans , start wiping out all ancient text and knowledge they had, and it also went on into slavery, they were still forced to worship this god Jesus in the western world.
325 AD The Council of Nicaea
At this council they had to settle many disputes. One was is Jesus god or is he just an ordinary human like everyone else. Also decided would be the books that were placed in the Bible and the dated of holidays such as Christmas and Easter. I find it rather humorous that Constantine being a pagan who converted to Christianity still used pagan holidays and just attempted to make them about the new god Jesus. They voted, yes seriously a bunch of men voted , and it was a very close vote , that Jesus from that day forward would be considered a god. See there are recent discoveries of the oldest Bible found in Palestine and it claims that Jesus was just an ordinary human like us all, not a god. Yet, a few votes made him a god at that point. There were many ancient text brought forth at this time to be examined and the books of the bible were chosen. many like the dead sea scrolls, the book of Thomas, the book of Enoch were left out. Why?? During a period of time when everyone was writing , especially writing religious text on their own personal belief, some guys randomly picked the books you and I at one point literally lived my every waking moment by. gggrrrr... It is also mind blowing that this pagan ruler seemed to use so many ancient gods to weave together this story of the Jesus god.
I hope this has been informative for you and that you learned something new. Please don't just believe something because someone tells you it is the truth, please don't follow one book like your life depends on it , when other humans created it . If you can now maybe see that the Jesus God the Romans created became the Catholic god, they then went on Crusades in order to burn and destroy all and any ancient knowledge, spiritual knowledge, anything that told the truth of our origins, the power we all have etc. WHY? What were they so afraid of us knowing? You better believe after being in the place where civilization started these Romans learned a thing or two. They now created a plan where their new Jesus god would help them be filthy rich, control people through fear, start wars, political uprising where they would have the power. It still continues today. SO many are still bound by fear to the Jesus god they know nothing much about except what they were told. Stop living in fear! Step out and give living a chance!
Well it is late and I am tired, plus I feel like I just typed a damn novel lol.
So much love, light, and blessings to you all!
Shawna Marrie
Thursday, January 21, 2016
Just let go an let.... HA who the hell am I kidding?
Yeah so that fucking phrase again huh?? I swear I have always cringed when I heard someone say this, or I even read it. So many times in my adult life when I was losing my shit, or you know you just prayed your guts out to the floor just hoping your words and snot mean something , and you are met with the most sincere idiot saying " oh sweetie it's okay just let go and let god". Really? Really??? Do you happen to have the damn manual on this? Where the hell is the pastor because they must know how to do this right?? yeah , no Houston really fucking wrong.
It would get so bad I would literally try to envision myself letting go of something in my mind just to try and conjure up any feeling in me that felt the slightest bit like I was letting go of something.. Nothing.. actually looking back it just made me grip tighter.
I am saying all this because yesterday once again I was met with those words, " Shawna honey boo boo you have to let go, let Goddess ( that sounds so much better huh) and trust". Yes it was from the sweetest, kindest , most amazing lady and mentor I have ever had, so instead of getting mad, I listened , then I got real and said I don't fucking know how.
It is crazy how we really don't notice ourselves changing, we don't see how we slide into conforming into some way of life even if we swore we would never get there. We don't notice how we grip onto things in a sad way to attempt some sort of control. We don't see how we have lost our shine, our zest for life, that we are angry, hurting, resentful. When it is our time we will see , it won't be a pretty package sitting so we can take our time and open it and feel the love. It will be ugly and dramatic and oh will you fight it.
She kindly and with so much love held the mirror to my face and made it clear nothing outside of me is broken , my lens is broken. All the shit I complain about in others, feeling my life is wasting away whatever it is that it is all in me! I am picking at them because of whats in me, I am feeling restricted because I have been hiding in fear. I have let others control, I try to control oh and I run and hide , I dim my shine, the light in me. I see it all , I hear this, I see it clear ... My next words are how the fuck do I just let go? How do I trust? I always have to try and figure it all out.
After swearing to never say the words TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT again , the wisdom hit me hard. Just fucking do it, you won't until you are really ready but that is all there is to it. If the Goddess keeps me walking down the street without flying off into space, if she keeps everything breathing as if on queue, if she keeps water flowing all this earth, if she keeps giving, loving, providing even though we harm her, we bomb her, we kill each other, we take her for granted... Why the hell can I not just let go and be Shawna so Goddess can keep being who she is, doing what she has always done?
So here goes nothing. I am letting go , I have no clue what that looks like , I didn't get the damn manual . I did however get it and I see clearly what has been slowly poisoning me on the inside. I can't control anything, I do not need anyone to control me, everything in my life is what I asked for and it is fucking great, if not I will change it. I am a goddess, I have a voice and I refuse to hide away anymore. I am taking my eyes off the inside little world of Shawna and onto the great big wonderful around me. The new motto is I am guided, provided for and protected, I will receive anything I request, .... I am letting go ..
I hope you can relate, if not just wait it will come >)
Remember the planets are in a small parade so they are very tuned into your thoughts right now, so from now on until February 20th be mindful to only focus on the positive you want to manifest!!
So much love,light, and blessings to you!
If anyone would like a tarot/oracle reading, energy healing, or intuitive session please Email me! Sweetshawna25@gmail,com
Stay warm and stay rad!
Shawna Marrie Middleton
It would get so bad I would literally try to envision myself letting go of something in my mind just to try and conjure up any feeling in me that felt the slightest bit like I was letting go of something.. Nothing.. actually looking back it just made me grip tighter.
I am saying all this because yesterday once again I was met with those words, " Shawna honey boo boo you have to let go, let Goddess ( that sounds so much better huh) and trust". Yes it was from the sweetest, kindest , most amazing lady and mentor I have ever had, so instead of getting mad, I listened , then I got real and said I don't fucking know how.
It is crazy how we really don't notice ourselves changing, we don't see how we slide into conforming into some way of life even if we swore we would never get there. We don't notice how we grip onto things in a sad way to attempt some sort of control. We don't see how we have lost our shine, our zest for life, that we are angry, hurting, resentful. When it is our time we will see , it won't be a pretty package sitting so we can take our time and open it and feel the love. It will be ugly and dramatic and oh will you fight it.
She kindly and with so much love held the mirror to my face and made it clear nothing outside of me is broken , my lens is broken. All the shit I complain about in others, feeling my life is wasting away whatever it is that it is all in me! I am picking at them because of whats in me, I am feeling restricted because I have been hiding in fear. I have let others control, I try to control oh and I run and hide , I dim my shine, the light in me. I see it all , I hear this, I see it clear ... My next words are how the fuck do I just let go? How do I trust? I always have to try and figure it all out.
After swearing to never say the words TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT again , the wisdom hit me hard. Just fucking do it, you won't until you are really ready but that is all there is to it. If the Goddess keeps me walking down the street without flying off into space, if she keeps everything breathing as if on queue, if she keeps water flowing all this earth, if she keeps giving, loving, providing even though we harm her, we bomb her, we kill each other, we take her for granted... Why the hell can I not just let go and be Shawna so Goddess can keep being who she is, doing what she has always done?
So here goes nothing. I am letting go , I have no clue what that looks like , I didn't get the damn manual . I did however get it and I see clearly what has been slowly poisoning me on the inside. I can't control anything, I do not need anyone to control me, everything in my life is what I asked for and it is fucking great, if not I will change it. I am a goddess, I have a voice and I refuse to hide away anymore. I am taking my eyes off the inside little world of Shawna and onto the great big wonderful around me. The new motto is I am guided, provided for and protected, I will receive anything I request, .... I am letting go ..
I hope you can relate, if not just wait it will come >)
Remember the planets are in a small parade so they are very tuned into your thoughts right now, so from now on until February 20th be mindful to only focus on the positive you want to manifest!!
So much love,light, and blessings to you!
If anyone would like a tarot/oracle reading, energy healing, or intuitive session please Email me! Sweetshawna25@gmail,com
Stay warm and stay rad!
Shawna Marrie Middleton
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